If god brings you to it, he’ll bring you through it
Posted by hislovecoversall in Uncategorized
alrighty so i havent done one of these for a while..so i deff. think its time..anyways the past month and half i have really struggling with many many things, i wont go into them on here but i honestly didnt think i wanted to live anymore! liteerally the past few weeks until this past tuesday i was a reck, i dont think i have shed so many tears in my life, it was almost 3-4 times a day i would just break down crying, i felt so screwed up,tired,weak,i felt as if i was a failure in everything(work,school,my parents,family,friends) and everything else. i wasnt sure what GOD wanted me to do with my life, and i was so lost, confused with everything, i literally was just living my life as if it was completley meaningless. I had so many issues at work which i didnt understand because it used to be my favorite place to be i loved it so much, and honestly i care about that job so much, and the past month i screwed up so bad! i let everyone down there even my managers 
and i was so unhappy there i was rude, sad, and i cried almost everyday at work and after work..and even a few times before..i honestly dont really know what was even going on with me! it was such a terrible feeling, and i wanted it to go away but it was like everytime i tried to go and look for a new job/apply somewhere i would end up in tears and i didnt understand becuase i was beyoond frustrated/stressed with my job..and i couldnt do it anymore! i reached my limit there this past week and that takes a lot for me to be at that point! and i lost my self , i completley lost who i was becuase i was soo wrapped up in all the things i was going through and all the pain i had inside me, and i forgot who i was and why i was even here on this earth to begin with, i mean i know for sure god has a purpose for me, not many of you know this but when i was born my sister and i were 3 months early i wieghed 1 pound 13 onces and my sister(twin) wieghed 2 pounds 1 once..and we both had open heart surgery at one week old, we literally were fighting for our lifes for about 3 months and they were almost positive we weren’t going to make it… and if it wasn’t for god and his purpose he has for me i wouldnt be here today. and its so hard to hold onto that and trust god all the time when eerything feels so screwed up and everything is just going wrong..i kept feeling as if i have lost everyone i have ever loved..and that people are always changing for the worst and it hurts me. i literally didnt know what to do. but i do know that god is my strength and he can help me ovvercome anything and everything, i have literally become so strong becuase of him, i have been through a lot in my life.. ive been abused,hurt,betrayed,i’ve been to the point that i tried to end my life many times and honeslty im still here becuase of god, he brought me through these difficult situations so i can live for him, learn to trust in him, and show people that there is hope,love, and strength and it comes from the god who created you. i honestly cant put into words what he has done for me, and what he’s done in my life and it blows my mind when i think about it and look back at the person i used to be, its amaing how he can change somone, and how he can keep me going and tell me KEEP PRESSING ON HEATHER DONT GIVE UP YOUR GOING TO MAKE IT! ITS OKAY I LOVE YOU! right when we have reached the end. when we feel like we cant go on anymore!! he’s right there telling you i love you, your going to make it, i love you,dont give up!!!
and he’s there holding onto you with all his strength, catching your tears as they fall from your face and letting you be able to overcome life’s storms, and its absolutly astonishing!! I just need to trust in him with everything i have, with my whole work situations latley i just wanted to give up with it and quit and get a new job but something was always holding me back and i honestly believe it was god, today in church i was just sitting there praying and god spoke to my heart and said “stay at lifetime” and i believe that i do have a purpose there and i love it so much!!! and after all this time and frustrated/confusion i even had it after my meeting last night if i should stay there or not because it can be overwhelming! and so i am staying there now and i have so much peace with it its ridiculous..and im really excited because i know god has exciting things to do in my life! =D and i can’t wait! for him to work through me!
one more thing..i extend my appologies to anyone that i have hurt,made upset,let down, was rude to, was disrespectful to..anyone that i have done anything too the past couple months! IM VERY VERY VERY sorry, honestly from the bottom of my heart i ask for forgivness from you! i know i shouldnt have been the way i was and i feel horrible for doing so. so im sorry..and ilove you very much!!!
p.s i posted this on myspace yesterday so if it looks familiar..thats why!! ha =/
Jesus..
Posted by hislovecoversall in Uncategorized
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:(
Posted by hislovecoversall in Uncategorized
I need a hug…real bad
so much to say…
Posted by hislovecoversall in Uncategorized
have you ever..
had so much to say but u just cant seem to get it out..thats me right now..
i havent written a blog in a while..cuz of that reason =/
whatever thoughh… i hope u all had a good day
Worth Dying For
Posted by hislovecoversall in Uncategorized
I’m a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. i have holy spirit power, i have stepped over the line, the decision has been made. im a disiple of his. I WONT LOOK BACK,LET UP,SLOW DOWN,BACK AWAY OR BE STILL. My past redemmed, my present makes sense,my future is secure, im finished and done with low living, sight walking,small planning,colorless dreams,tamed vision, wordly talking,cheap giving, adn short goals. I no longer need position, promotion,applause, or popularity. I dont have to be right first, tops recognized,praised,regarded or rewarded. i NOW live by faith, lean on his presence, walk by patience, i am uplifted by prayer in labor and power. my face is set, my grade is fast, my goal is HEAVEN. My road is narrow my way is rough, my companions are few. My god reliable my mission is clear. I can’t be bought,compromised, detourded, turned back, diluted or delayed. I will NOT flinch in the face of scarifice. Hesitate at the table of my enemies, or ponder at the pool of popularity. I WONT GIVE UP,SHUT UP, LED UP until ive done everything for the cause of christ.I AM A DISICPLE OF CHRIST.
as i drove home in the first fifteen minutes of 2008
Posted by hislovecoversall in Uncategorized
As i drove home last night fifteen mintues after midnight, i found myself almost wanting to cry, all of a sudden i felt a rush of just confusion, and i felt alone. it was wierd becuase i just had a lot of fun at the partay with my best friends and like a billion other people, so i get into my car, and or course pray first for protection on the way home, turned on my radio and it was 104.7(kiss fm) which i usually end up listening too, then all of a sudden i remembered i had my hillsong united CD in my car, so i put it in, number 1 was okay, number 2 and 3 were good, then i got to number 7 the title is found, and the song pretty much goes like this….
My world was changed
When Your love You gave for me
My purpose found
And all that You want for me
And I found myself in You
And I found myself in You
Amazing love
Now what else shall I need
Your name brings life
It’s more than the air I breathe
Take me to a place
Where I can see You face to face
And all I want to do
All I want to do
Is worship You
&&& i was like this totally it perfect becuase my world was change when jesus gave his love for me, and my purpose was found. AND I FOUND MYSELF IN HIM! and there is nothing else that i need besides gods love, and his name bringes life to me, its more than the air i breathe. and 2008 i want god to take my to a place where i can see him face to face,AND LITERALLY ALL I WANT TO DO IS WORSHIP HIM!!!!! this year is for god! i surrender my life to him!!! because thats all i can do, i cant overcome anything, be happy, love life, love pepole who have hurt me, forgive others, without him HE IS MY EVERYTHING!
This year was difficult for me, 2006 was the hardest though, but i believe that was becuase god didnt have a stronghold on my life(which was my fault) becuase he cried out, trying to help me, but i just ignored him!this year was a lot of pain,hurt,lies,confusion,loss,brokeness, and i felt that i was loosing everything/everyone whether it by death,suicide,a certain circumstance,fights, whatever it was i felt like i had nobody, i felt so unloved and lost i didnt know what i wanted in my life, or what to do with it either. Igraduate high school iin 5 months, im going to be living on my own in 7 months and these months are going to fly by, and after these 7months pass, my best friends and i will all be going to different colleges, i wont have my parents anymore pushing me to try harder, i wont be able to stay at my church, or at least be there at every service, i will no longer have the things i have now, they will still be there, but i guess put on pause? idk how to describe it, but honestly the only reason i will get through this and the only reason i have gotten through evrything in my life is because of god, he has helped me so much, he has gotten me out of deep depression, it was so bad where i could barley get up, i couldnt eat, i didnt do anything, i wasnt able to go to work, i felt horrible all the time, i have done many things i know i shouldnt have done , but we all make mistakes and hopefully learn from them right? and from this moment on i will not look back(or at least try my hardest not to) becuase that just brings back painful memories/situations that i dont need in my life! i have realzied the things my old frieds have said about my, my family, and anyone else it doesnt matter becuase god loves me the way i am!! and im so thankful for that.
i know this blog is pretty jumbled but another thing im thankful for is the people god has put in my life! last year i hung out with a lot of people who werent really my true friends, i have a lways had a lot of friends. but this year i finally realized it doesnt matter how many friends i have, it only matters who your true friends are, and god has blessed me with wonderful ones a few people i would like to recognize are kristina faulkner,andrea faulkner, and larissa- they have always been there for me, and have always made sure i was ok. i love you 3 with everything i have and im so so so so happy you guys are in my life. Another person is CANDACE MYERS, i dont even know where to begin with her, she is just truley amazing, and i love her with all my heart. Candace thank you for always being ther for me, whenever i needed someone u were always there, you always lifted me up/encouraged me. and i thank you for always meeting at starbucks just so we could talk for 4 hours hahah!!!i love you so much candace i wish i could explain to you how much you mean to me!!!!i love you!!!!!!!!!!!! JENNIFER/CINDY keil you two are amazing as well. you always would brighten up my day, and i thank u for that, you two have always been there for me, there to pray with me, or ust to talk and make me laugh i love you two so much!! and last but not least a few people from my work 2 of my supervisors KATIE NOBLE, and Jenny, and NOW MY MANAGER(dept. head) MANDY-oh man you three are amazing let me tell you that right now! you guuys are so unbelivebaly strong, i can tell, katie thank you for always making everyday at work amazing, i love you for that, and thanks for the advice you give me, and always just being there for me and to make sure im okay as well =D, and jenny same goes for you thanks for always helping me out, and telling me the right thing to do, and thank you for helping me with the situations i had about work. i appreciate you so much! AND MANDY!! wow! iits crazy to see how fast you moved up at this place, first of all your loved by every..D and second of all you just amaze me, your so awesome,caring, and your going to be a great manager i know that for a fact! its perfect for you, and i wish you the best of luck, and thank u for always being there. i love you!!!!!!!
alright well im pretty sure you all didnt get this far
but if you did im glad you did =D
and just kow that if u ever need anything im always here for you always!!!
i love you all with all my hear, and nothing can change that!
JESUS
TAKE ME TODAY
TO BE FOREVER MORE A CHILD OF YOU!
I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK TO MY OLD WAYS
AND HELP ME TO REMEBER THAT YOUR ALL I NEED
AND ALL ILL EVER NEED! AND JUST HELP ME TO SEE YOU
IN ANY BAD SITUATION THAT MAY OCCUR THIS YEAR
YOUR MY EVERYTHING!
I LOVE YOU
IN YOUR PRECIOUS NAME I PRAAY!
AMEN!!!
Just read this one..
Posted by hislovecoversall in Uncategorized
I must have felt your tears
When they took me from your arms
I’m sure I must have heard you say goodbye
Lonely and afraid had you made a big mistake
Could an ocean even hold the tears you cried
But you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
And you made the only choice you could that night
You gave life to me
A brand new world to see
Like playing baseball in the yard with dad at night
Mom reading Goodnight Moon
And praying in my room
So if you worry if your choice was right
You gave me up but you gave everything to me
And if I saw you on the street
Would you know that it was me
And would your eyes be blue or green like mine
Would we share a warm embrace
Would you know me in your heart
Or would you smile and let me walk on by
Knowing you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
And I hope that you’d be proud of who I am
You gave life to me
A chance to find my dreams
And a chance to fall in love
You should have seen her shining face
On our wedding day
Oh is this the dream you had in mind
When you gave me up
You gave everything to me
And when I see you there
Watching from heaven’s gates
Into your arms
I’m gonna run
And when you look in my eyes
You can see my whole life
See who I was
And who I’ve become
strength
Posted by hislovecoversall in Uncategorized
strength..it’s something that comes to my mind a lot. last week was a really rough week for me, actually ever since i have gotten back from my dads its been really hard. I have been really hurt these past couple weeks and just a lot has been going on, an old friend of mine took his life this past week and it was really hard to see that family suffer and the pain it caused so many people, he was so funny he was a guy you would NEVER think of that happening too. he was happy,so funny, always joked around,and was really great. But you know what people may seem strong around you but really they are soo weak and are seeking help. and obviously it was hard for people to realize. Anyways, so with everything going on i just kept praying even though i was so week and emotionally drained all week. i didnt work at all i prob. worked 3 hours last week and i usually work everday. and it was just plain hard. i felt so alone but god kept using people to show me the love he had for me and he told me himself, god revealed so much to me and its just amazing because i am so much stronger than i used to be… okay, so nobody knows about this accept one of my friends..my family, and the rest of my friends do now know about this but i used to be so depressed i have struggled with depression for over a year(not anymore) but i would sit there all day everyday i couldnt get up i would think of killing myself numerous times a day,and i actually attempted prob 5 times before, i was completley worthless, i would cut myself more than once a day, it was abosultly the worst feeling in the world. i couldnt do anything. and i knew i was so weak then, this was only a year ago, until i went to SFA and i started to go to the refuge, god showed me so much he showed me true love, and how much he really loved/cares for me and that he truley is all that matters. and i fell a lot from god and he would always pick up agian and i’d keep falling, and once agian he would pick me up agian and so on, kinda like a roller coaster, but you know what he still PICKED ME UP, EVERYTIME I FELL EVERYTIME I BETRAYED HIM,FORGOT HIM, DIDNT OBEY HIM, AND HE STILL WAS THERE FOR ME,he held me when i was sad, he forgave me when i asked for forgivness, he loved me when nobody else did. AND HE SHOWED ME LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS AND lifted me up into his arms of love and taught me strength,faith,hope,love,and courge. THE STRENGTH I HAVE NOW WAS SOMETHING I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER HAVE. i can acutally have peace with things, things that used to get me so upset dont anymore and if they do it wont be for long, god always speaks to me and encourages me no matter what i do. i literally cant explain to you how much he has changed my life, i was abused,hurt, and alone and he took me…MEE?? i couldnt belive it but YES he took me into his arms, and now i am able to do anything. I AM SO STRONG i can overcome anything as well. and i thank god for that everyday of my life. if i never went through these hard times in my life i would never be where i am now, everything happens for a reason, no matter what the reason is.
GOD IS SOO GOOD!!!!
sorry its kinda jumbled
but i wish i could truley explain to you how amazing it feels to have this strength..ugh its so great
i love you
<3
some things never change :(
Posted by hislovecoversall in Uncategorized
I thought thaty maybe this time it would be different no tears,pain,hurt,and lies but you broke many promises hurt me once again when all i was searching for was to be different from them. I thought i was strong, strong enough to hold on and just let god hold me. but i was more than wrong. im weak inside because i know that you never cared, i thought maybe for just one second when you told me you loved me and hugged me. byt then you ran scared. scared of trying to hold onto something GOOD IN YOUR LIFE!! stop that now!! i cant breathe the smoke is so heavy i can barley see. FOR once i thought you would just stop drinking. but i know that was only me dreaming. i guess my heart is too cold too cold to care to cold to call you too COULD TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU. its just too cold. ME COLD? who would have thought, when everyone else in that place is colder than ice no heart, just thinking about themselves, drinking,smoking,drugs, and the painful words that pierced my heart. the dissapointment was something i wasnt expecting bt i knew ou would le me down i cant trust you and i wont speak to you i gave up so much for you DAD BUT U DONT SEE HOW MUCH YOU REALLY DID MEAN TO ME SO GO WORK YOUR 12 HOUR DAYS AND TELL ME ITS OKAY. HOW AM I SUPPOISED TO BELIVE THAT WHEN REALLY EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS WRONG. so that means im not okay……I DONT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE YOU PROMISED ME THAT WE COULD SPEND TIME TOGETHER TIME WITHOUT FIGHTING but NO you broke that and thought other stupid worldy things were way beter. WELLGOOD LUCK SEEING ME AGIAN because you wont be! i thought you would change this time but no you didnt once agian i believed that everything was going to be diff. but i guess some things never change as i sit here writing this my hands are gripped so tight tears are pouring down my dace and this is what came out!!! you really have no idea how much you have hurt me DAD!!!! YOU RUINED ME AND IT JUST HURTS SO BAD :(!!. i knew i made a mistake of going hier and i turned the wrong way but i trusted you AND YOU BROKE IT ANYWAY!! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i never wish to talk to you for a while! dont suck uptome anymore cyz uts all fake THE WHOLE FRICKEN FAMILY IS FAKE AGGG GGGGGGG IM GOING TO SCREAM DAD NOW YOU WILL SEE THE REAL ME. BROKEN AND HURT INSIDE…my heart can no longer go on like this. I JUST WISH YIU COULD SEE WHAT U HAVE RALLY DONT TO ME :(:(:(:(:
please…help me!
Posted by hislovecoversall in Uncategorized
im driving home tonighttt
it seems foggy to me
cuz the tears in my eyes
are making it hard to see
sometimes i feel so alone
but i know your here with me
im sick of the frustration
and hurt i have inside
but i know that u will alwaysss be by my side
something is really holding me back
and i dont what it is
i cant even explain to you how it is
cuz im just so confused
god pleas help me
to be like you everyday of my life
i need you so bad right now
it seeeems like this life will never end and this hurt will lat forever
i try to keep positive as everyone tells me
but its harder than it seems
when everyone just dreams
stop this nonsense in my head tonight
father im desperate for your touch
please hold me in your arms of love
so i can be forever more a child of you
reassure me that this life is worth living for
cuz its hard for me to belive that anymore
i love you god, come to me pleaseeee
i need you so bad
help me jesus!!!
please
please
pleaseeee!
:(:(